Attack of the Mary Sue
by The One They Called Quail
Summary: When a new, glittery girl shows up in Zim's class, he knows something is wrong; no one is that perfect. Can he manage to prove it, though, when even Dib has been caught in her net? Rated T for future stuff, and no romance. Well, kinda. No, on second thought, there isn't any romance. It doesn't count. Well... blurg. Just read the damn thing, K?
1. The New Girl

**A/N: Hello everybody! God, it's been awhile! You guys excited for this new, action-packed, badly written story? Dont' worry, I'll be updating the Switch probably soonish. In the meantime, please enjoy this little story! Please? **

I am not Jhonen Vasquez; it follows, then, that I do not own Invader Zim.

**WARNING: The author is not responsible for any Mary Sue induced vomiting. Read at your own risk. Do not drive or operate heavy machinery after reading. Do not read if pregnant or hosting an alien life form in your belly. Do not beat the author with sticks. She has a fear of sticks. **_**Sticks…**_

* * *

**Chapter One **

"_Perfect people are boring. Perfect people are obnoxious because they're better than us. Perfect people are, above all, too good to be true__." –__How __Not__ to Write a Novel__, 'Too Good to be True'_

It was a normal Tuesday morning in Ms. Bitters' classroom. The children were talking amongst themselves, waiting for class to begin. Dib was explaining earnestly to an uncomfortable looking Zita that the Skool's janitor was really a mushroom demon from the fourth dimension. On the other side of the room, Zim fiddled with some alien technology, which, of course, went completely unnoticed. However, he shoved it into his desk when Ms. Bitters entered the room.

"Not good morning, children. Today's horrible, disgusting lesson will be covering Earth's defensive mechanisms and weak points." she drawled. Zim grinned evilly over at Dib, who stared at his teacher, mouth agape. "Now," Ms. Bitters said, pulling down a map of the Earth, "all of our nuclear missiles are kept-" _RIIINGG! _the telephone on her desk interrupted. Ms. Bitters growled, wrenching the phone of its cradle with a bony hand.

"_What?"_ she spat at the phone. She listened intently to the unintelligible garble on the other end. "What?" she repeated. "Isn't there anywhere _else_ you can send her?" More garbling. "Fine. But you will suffer for it." She slammed the receiver down.

"Class, because the Skool board seems to be unable to learn from its mistakes, we will be getting yet _another _new member of our class." she said. Excited murmurs followed. Zim craned his neck to look at Dib, who obviously had the same thing on his mind. The return of Tak, or someone else like her, was not something either of them had contemplated. Of course, Zim was not worried; he had dealt with Tak easily last time, defeating her with his superior brain and piloting, and he could do it again.

Every head in the room turned as the door to the classroom opened. A dark figure was silhouetted against the door. Tension rose as the new student walked in, and dropped as soon as everyone saw her.

The girl was not someone you'd be afraid to meet in a dark alley. She had dark, shiny curls that cascaded down her back, held back with a deep purple ribbon, which exactly matched her large eyes. On her willowy frame, she wore a flowing purple dress, marked with black flowers, over knee high black boots. She was rather pale, but not in an unattractive way; in fact, that, with the dark eyeliner, just emphasized her sparkling eyes. In her ears she wore silver, star shaped earrings.

"Hello, everyone!" she said, with a voice like silk. "My name is Marilyn Susyn Celestia Onyx Ebony Raven Way, but you can just call me Mary Sue." The class stared at her, slack-jawed. Ms. Bitters, who seemed to have been shocked into silence, managed to ask, "Why don't you tell us a little about yourself, Mary Sue?" Mary Sue giggled sweetly.

"Ok! Well, I just moved here. I live in the orphanage down the street, 'cause I'm an orphan. I don't really remember my parents, except that they died in very mysterious circumstances. They were very rich, so now I have all their money, even though it should be in the care of my attorney or legal guardian.

"Like I said, I live in the orphanage, but only after I was horribly abused by my previous adoptive parents. Don't worry; I simply fried them with my amazing, unique, other-worldly powers. The orphanage people are really nice, and get me pretty much everything I want.

"People say I look Goth, but I'm not. They can go and die. I dress like this because I am an original individual who answers to no one and doesn't care what other, poorly dressed people think. Don't take that the wrong way; I'm really very nice and sweet, unless you disagree with my opinions, in which case you will be subject to my petty taunts. Don't forget: I am always right. If you keep that in mind, I'm sure we'll be great friends!" she squealed.

The class stared at her in a stunned silence that held for three, four seconds, before someone yelled, "I LUV U MARY SUE!" The rest of the class soon followed his example, cheering and whooping, clamoring for Mary Sue's attention. Everyone was swooning over their new classmate; everyone, that is, except one certain green skinned alien.

Zim gaped at the rest of his class, who were beside themselves with love for this girl, this 'Mary Sue' person. He didn't understand what the big deal was; what was the difference between one filthy human and another? But something about this girl made his classmates throw themselves at her feet. Even Dib was staring at the girl with wide-eyed passion. When he saw Zim looking, though, he quickly lowered his gaze to the floor. Interesting. Very interesting.

Zim's confusion spiked at lunch time, when everyone, including Dib, gathered themselves around Mary Sue's lunch table. They were all totally enraptured by everything she was saying; not one of them would talk over her. Zim was slightly put off by this- let the humans do whatever they wanted, but now even _Dib _was ignoring him! What was he supposed to do at lunch to distract himself from the horrible Earth food if Dib was not there to annoy him?

Incensed, Zim stalked over to the table. Dib had, somehow, managed to sit himself right next to the purple, sparkly human. He seemed lost in her glittering purple eyes- er, light blue eyes- green eyes? _Pink _eyes? They were changing color even as Zim watched. He had to shake himself out of their seemingly hypnotic power before he could march over to the Dib.

"Hey! Hey Dib! Lookit this!" Zim yelled, displaying the piece of Irken equipment he had been working on earlier. It wasn't a terribly complicated piece of work, just a helmet-shaped camouflaging device. Still, it _looked _really alien, and Zim knew Dib couldn't resist it.

"Yeah, that's cool Zim." Dib replied airily, waving the helmet away. "Can we talk later? Mary Sue was just telling us the greatest story about how she saved a town only with her heart shaped electric guitar and her singing. Go on, tell him!" Dib begged the girl. She smiled, letting just amount the right amount of blush to stain her cheeks.

"Well, I was in this town looking for information on my parents, but it turned out the town I was in was under attack by evil magicians, so…" Mary Sue blabbed on about her story, enriching it with pointless details. Zim thought he was going to fall asleep, and Irkens didn't even _need _sleep.

"…and now they honor me as a hero. But it's no big deal, really." she finished, finally. Everyone, save for Zim, sighed admiringly.

"Wow, Mary Sue, you sure do a lot of cool stuff. I wish I could do the things you do someday. You're so lucky… I mean, you're so smart, charismatic, beautiful-" Dib blurted out, causing Mary Sue to giggle.

"Hey, maybe I'll take you along on my next amazing adventure! Don't worry, I'm highly trained in over five hundred types of martial arts, so you'll be perfectly safe." she said, leaning in closer to the big headed boy.

"I always feel safe around you." Dib said softly (_which is ridiculous, _Zim thought; _he's only known her for an hour._). He, too, leaned in closer. And closer. And closer…

"AHEM!" Zim cleared his throat, halting the couple's procession to closing the space between them. "Well, Dib, I'm just going to go home and… uh… perform some horrible experiments. On bunnies. Yep." Zim told him.

"Fine. Whatever." Dib said, again ignoring Zim's hurt look, staring instead into Sue's kaleidoscope eyes. Zim cast Dib one more glare before blowing up the side of the cafeteria. No one so much as glanced his way. Now thoroughly downcast, Zim spider-legged his way home, to brood about recent events. And apparently, he had a lot of brooding to do.

* * *

Oh… oh man, I didn't think I could actually write this chapter without throwing up. God, I freaking _hate _it when people use Mary Sues. On another note, people in the Harry Potter fandom should recognize some of Mary Sue's name, since it's a reference to one of the more infamous HP fics on here. I can't wait for people to start thinking this is going to be a ZaDr fic- it's not, I swear. I don't usually do romance fics; it's just not my style, with the exception of canon stuff. And Zim feeling bad about Dib ignoring him _is _canon- look no further than the script for the canceled episode 'Mopiness of Doom.' Well, goodnight Earthlings!


	2. Discovery

**A/N: Thanks to Mimi-loves-llamas and Keri Kimura for reviewing, Mimi-loves-llamas for adding to Story Alert, and Keri Kimura for favoriting. Sorry about the lateish update… I got a bit, erm, grounded. Setting people on fire is never the answer, kids. However, I was able to read about of 'Sue fiction' for research first. People seem to love reprinting the Tak episode to fit their twisted little fantasies. Really, it's amazing how many new students (who are Irkens) wind up in Ms. Bitters' class, are **_**immediately **_**able to see through Zim's disguise, and rise to help (and romance) Dib; or, the opposite, rise to help (and romance) Zim. And don't forget their quirky, 'badass' personaltities and amazing talents. Bonus points if they're Zim's siblings, offspring, old friends, or arch-nemesis (what's the plural for nemesis? Nemesises?). Or Tak's, the Tallests', or even Skoodge's. It they're not that, then they're freaking vampire-Irkens. That doesn't even make any sense! It makes me want to find these authors, and… write them an angry letter. Maybe that's why I'm writing this; I need to make fun of these people or I'm going to explode. I'd better get to it, then.**

This is a disclaimer saying that Jhonen Vasquez owns Invader Zim. See? I wasn't lying!

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**Chapter Two**

"Nothing is ever as it seems." -Plato

"_Master… the cookies are heeere..." _a voice echoed down the elevator vent. Zim barely looked up; he knew that the voice belonged to Gir. The robot had been sent upstairs so it couldn't bother Zim while worked, but that didn't stop it from yelling down nonsense.

As Gir giggled sporadically down the vent, Zim researched the girl who had so infatuated Dib. His computer could hack into the Skool's database easily, but he didn't use it often because it only divulged medical information and the like.

He was looking up Mary Sue because he wondered if she had a, well, _strange _medical history- like one that involved nuclear spills or freak accidents. There was something horribly _off _about the girl, but Zim had no idea what. He hoped her history would give him a better idea; that is, if there _were _a history.

A search of 'Marilyn Susyn Celestia Onyx Ebony Raven Way' had givin him her head shot, address at the orphanage, and date of enrollment, but that was it. Zim stared at the screen, bewildered.

"Computer! Run Mary Sue's name through the system again." he ordered. His computer sighed impatiently but complied. The results were the same. Now Zim was starting to get mad- who was this girl, and who did she think she was, evading him like this? He knew you had to have a medical history to be enrolled; he'd had a hard enough time forging one for himself to know that.

"Computer, what are you doing wrong? Where is the rest of it?" Zim yelled at the ceiling. Another sigh, more annoyed than impatient this time, preceded its answer.

"That's it. There's nothing else." it replied. Zim seethed in his seat. This made no sense!

"There's got be something! Isn't there anything else with her name on it?" he screeched.

"No, there isn't! And quit yelling at me!" the computer replied with a huff. Zim clenched his teeth, almost shaking with anger. "Maybe you should ask someone else." it suggested, off-handedly.

"But she just got here!" Zim protested. "No one's been around her long enough to know anything about her, except…" He trailed off, realizing what exactly he was saying. Yes, there was one person, who'd been hanging around Mary Sue all day… who had followed her after Skool like a lost puppy… who she seemed all too happy in confiding in… Zim cringed.

While the Dib human seemed not to care about Zim's doings earlier, there was no telling he'd be so complacent without the presence of Mary Sue. But… the question of the girl loomed over Zim's head like a dark cloud. He _had _to know, even if it meant a confrontation with Dib.

Fifteen minutes later, Zim stood at the edge of the big-headed human's lawn. It was now that he realized how much he _really _didn't want to do this. He hated being near Dib at the best of times, and those weren't often. It was only Zim's want for an answer that propelled him up to the front door.

Zim was ready to throw the door open, march inside, and command that Dib give him the answers he wanted. But… was that _laughter _coming from inside? Yes; he could just make out two voices, now. A girl's and a boy's, from the sound of it. The male voice was obviously Dib's, but the girl's… there _was _Dib's scary sister, but from what Zim knew, she would never laugh so loud, unless someone was in pain. So that left-

"Mary Sue." Zim spat out. Oh, this was just _beautiful. _He'd walked all the way here, and for nothing! He couldn't tortu- er, interrogate Dib about the girl if she was there! Zim was about to turn and go back to his base when an idea struck him. An ingenious, wonderful, absolutely fool-proof idea.

Grinning at his ingenuity, Zim pressed his face up against the glass of the nearest window. Squinting, he could just make out the shape of two people sitting on a couch. Dib and Mary Sue. They seemed to be engaged in conversation, but Mary Sue stood up suddenly, cutting Dib off. She said something, and Dib nodded as she walked into another room. Zim ran to follow her progress through the house.

He was scared he'd lost her when he finally glimpsed her in a second story window. Using his spider-legs, he grappled up the side of the house. Not paying attention to the couple who was staring at him curiously, Zim stared into the window.

Luckily, Mary Sue's back was to him, so he was in no danger of being spotted. The girl was looking intently into the mirror, which, as Zim had observed, was not unusual for human females. But Mary Sue was not applying paint and powder to her face, like the others did; no, she was… _removing _her face_? _Zim watched in abject horror as she lifted her face up, up, and off her skull, revealing the curly antennae beneath. Then she hit a small button on her starry earring, and her pale complexion faded, letting the darker green show through.

"Oh, no. No way. You have got to be _kidding me!" _Zim screamed, throwing caution to the winds. Mary Sue was an _IRKEN? _That didn't even make any sense! Fuming, he didn't notice at first that Mary Sue was staring at him with her pale white eyes. He met them, shocked. For what seemed like a long time, the two Irkens stared at each other. Then slowly, deliberately, Mary Sue raised her hand and… waved. Grinning like a maniac, she waved happily at a stunned Zim. So stunned, in fact, that he fell out of his perch and into a bush.

Zim lay there for a second, trying to work his mind around what he'd just seen. Right… so Mary Sue was an Irken. Mary Sue was an Irken. Mary Sue was an Irken… _and she was in there with Dib!_

Zim leapt to his feet, a sudden, sickening feeling of déjà vu washing over him. Mary Sue, a mysterious Irken who had lured in an unsuspecting Dib? Replace Mary Sue with Tak and boom, there you have it.

This, of course, wasn't Tak; this one had milky white eyes instead of purple. Which was strange, but not unheard of- occasionally, Irkens wound up with green or blue eyes. But white? This did not sit well with him; usually, Irkens with odd colored eyes were associated with 'bad stuff'.

For instance, when Zim was still a smeet in training, an Irken with yellow eyes had gotten hold of a surplus of bombs that made human hydrogen bombs look like fire-crackers, locked himself in his home- which he, proving his mental instability, had converted into a fortress- and demanded that, in return for not destroying every living thing in a one hundred thousand mile radius, he would be givin a donut. Glazed, as Zim recalled. The Irken police force had eventually managed to break into his home and execute him.

This Mary Sue person, however, wasn't likely to do anything as rash as that. No, Zim had a sense that this girl was more cunning than she let on. Though not as much as Zim, she was smart enough, at least, to fool Dib. Unless she and Dib were working together to bring down Zim, though that didn't really seem like his style. Whatever the reason, he needed to find out exactly who this Mary Sue person was. _And, _Zim thought with a grin, as he walked back down the road to his base, _I know exactly how to do that._

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You know… I've really got to start working on making longer chapters.

*EDIT 7/21/12** Ok, I've noticed that the words after the italicized words aren't being spaced... I'm not sure if I fixed it, but I don't really care at this point if I didn't. Ok? Ok.


	3. A Conversation

****_EDIT 6/22/12 (Again)_****_** _To answer my own previously stated question, yes, uploading the script for the Trial would be illegal. CURSE YOU COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT LAWS! Just read it yourselves, K? This isn't gonna make much sense otherwise._  
_**

**A/N: Thanks to RandomTwilitDude, Ruler of the Sporks, Mimi-loves-llamas and Mystic Supernovae the Dib fan for reviewing, and KP100, Cassi3chan, and RandomTwilitDude for adding to Story Alert. I love reading reviews, I really do. Hey! Do you guys want to see a real, honest to God Mary Sue? Here is a 'Character Bio' sheet I got when I was reading some 'please give me your OCs' fanfiction.** **This makes me both laugh and cry. If you've ever read the series **_**'Percy Jackson and the Olympians,'**_** like I have, this is even more horrible.**

**Name:** Bailey Jackson

**Hair color**: Jet Black with brown highlights

**Eyes:** Sea Green eyes with flecks of blue

**Personality:** she's kind, sweet, fighter, loves anything sweet, hates enemies, protects the ones she loves/likes, and she's not what she seems to be, she appears as a nice and trustworthy girl, but she's not trustworthy and she's sneaky. She's also smart.

**Outfit (for the whole story):** A cropped white shirt with a peace sign in the middle, under the cropped shirt is a blue floral cami, blue Hurley jacket (when its cold she wears it), ripped boyfriend shorts, and Coral reef Vans

**Age:** 12 1/2

**Talents:** Art, Fighting, Singing, Acting, Running, Dancing, Martial Arts, and Hitting

**Strengths:** Her boyfriend, fighting, her brother Percy (she has a pic of him in her pocket because she doesn't know where he is), candy (especially Skittles and gummy bears), anything blue, and being calm

**Weaknesses:** Fighting someone who acts like family to her

**Ability:** Fighting, defending, flexible, control water, talk to sea animals and horses, swims very fast,

**History (optional):** She comes from New York. Her Mom's name is Sally Jackson and her Dad's name is Poseidon (Attention PJO lovers: this is my character from PJO. I thought this would be good for the story). She has a brother named Percy Jackson. She died fighting but then came back alive (Hera who is a goddess but that doesn't matter because Bailey won't mention that much about Greek Mythology).

**Attitude:** Nice and sweet to people she's friends with. Mean and will hurt her enemies.

***Shudder* Sorry for posting this here (these Author's Notes are getting a bit too long for my taste), and if you're friends with this person, I'm sorry, but it's so bad I needed you all to see it. Well, please enjoy this chapter. But before we go, I leave you with one final question: what the hell are 'boyfriend shorts?'**

Jhonen Vasquez owns Invader Zim and hates Mary Sues. Seriously. You should see his blog.

* * *

**Chapter Three**

_"It was love at first sight__  
__Inside Hogwarts school that night__  
__When she walked up to the common room and [Harry] was waiting there for her.__  
__He said, "Malfoy thinks you're hot."__  
__"And Ron really thinks you're really hot."__  
__"And for reasons unexplained to the readers I think you're hot too."__  
__And she smiled as their lips met.__  
__A scene we won't forget,__  
__'Cause it was close to nineteen paragraphs long."_

_-Rachel Robichaud, _the Life of a Mary Sue

Zim was sitting at the large video screen in his base, glowering at a very nervous looking Skoodge. When he had arrived home, the first thing he'd done was call up the Irken. Since he was currently stationed on Irk, apperantly, Zim was sure Skoodge would be able to get some information for him. Unfortunately, Skoodge was being… less than helpful.

"Zim, I've already told you. I can't access any files without special clearance, and they only give those to the Tallest or the scientists. I'd have to hack into it, but I'm in some trouble right now-"

"Trouble?" Zim interrupted. In all the years Zim had known him, even in the Smeet Academy, Skoodge had always needed prodding to do anything. Skoodge sighed.

"Remember when we were on Hobo 13?" he asked. "And remember when I got crushed by that Hogulus? Well, apparently, the Tallest saw my failure as a sign that I was unfit for duty as a soldier. I've been stuck here ever since." he finished, mournfully. Zim, who hadn't really been paying attention, just scoffed.

"Fine!" he spat at the screen. "Maybe I'll find someone _else _to help me, then! After all, I'd hate to disturb you while you're all curled up in your safe little bubble, while _I'm _here, wasting away, trying to find out who this Mary Sue person is, who, I might add, could be trying to explode my organs! But _ooohhhh, _I'd hate to bother Mister 'I'm Too Lazy to Do Anything' Skoodge-"

"ALRIGHT!" Skoodge screamed, cutting Zim off. Zim gaped at the screen; he'd never known Skoodge to raise his voice. "I'll get the information for you. What did you say her name was?"

"Marilyn Susyn Celestia Onyx Ebony Raven Way." Zim replied. Skoodge whistled.

"That's one looong name. Give me half an hour, there can't be many people with _that _name." he assured Zim. He grinned.

"Excellent." Mary Sue would not be able to evade his grasp much longer.

* * *

Thirty five minutes later, Zim had the entirety of Mary Sue's file in front of him. Every single Irken had a backup file on the Control Brains' database, just in case an Irken's PAK was unavailable for examination.

It wasn't as detailed as anything you'd find in a PAK, but there was no way he would be able to access hers. He hadn't even noticed it at first; it was disguised as a black backpack with a large glittery purple butterfly on it. Pretty and sparkly and perfect, just like her. Zim tried not to think about it as he read her file, but that proved impossible.

It turned out that Mary Sue wasn't born in the conventional way, in a Smeetery; she'd been found in an abandoned building, all alone. _Figures,_ Zim thought, _even her _birth_ was special._ After that, she'd been put in Smeet Training, the same unit, coincidentally, that Zim had been in. However, it'd quickly become apparent that Mary Sue was too advanced for the class, and was put in accelerated training.

She'd graduated into the scientific field, and had worked at the main research facility, _Foramen Scientia._ She'd worked there- excelled there- until… until…

"Until I went there." Zim muttered under his breath. Yes, the dates lined up; Mary Sue had left the same month he'd arrived. It was curious, how fate had overlapped them. But why had she left? Zim couldn't recall her, so he probably hadn't done anything to make her leave… so what?

Even more curious, the files said that almost immediately after her departure of _Foramen, _she'd gone AWOL. There were no further records of her anywhere, which begged the questions: Where had she gone? What was she doing then? And why? Why, why, why? Zim was getting sick of all these questions pecking at his head, of not knowing. He needed to know everything, why didn't anyone seem to realize that? Oh, beautiful, another question.

Zim groaned loudly, and probably would've insulted the Computer some to make him feel better, but he didn't get the chance. All he could do now was stare at the screen again, except this time there was no tired looking Skoodge adorning the screen; no, this time, it was a horribly familiar white eyed Irken who met his glare.

"Hello, Mary Sue." Zim growled, not wishing to be the second to speak. Mary Sue grinned at him in that maniacal way again.

"Hey, Zim! What's going on?" she asked chirpily. Zim noticed, offhand, that her eyes seemed to be staying a solid white, a fact he was glad for.

"I was about to ask you the same question." he retorted. "What _are _you up to, exactly? Don't be afraid to put all the details in there." Maybe she was dumb enough to answer. But, no such luck.

"Silly Zim, you'll find out soon enough. Come on, you _must've _figured out why I'm here, at least." she goaded. Zim scowled.

"Well, maybe, not exactly, sort of, but I will! I will, and when I do, you're going to wish you never came to this useless rock!" he promised, causing, to his dismay, Mary Sue to laugh.

"Useless rock? Oh, please! I haven't had this much fun since our days at _Foramen!" _she giggled. Then she stared at him, pointedly, like she was waiting for him to get the point.

"I know we were at that stupid facility together. But what does that have to do with anything?" he demanded, hoping he didn't sound too hysterical. Mary Sue sighed, breaking her gaze for the first time.

"Oh, Zim." she said softly. "It has everything to do with _everything._" With that cryptic message, she logged off, leaving Zim to stew in his thoughts.

Like every time he saw her, all she'd done was leave Zim with more questions. What did she mean? What did _Foramen _have to do with anything? And what was she calling him from? Well, maybe he could answer that last one.

"Computer! Quick! Can you trace her signal?" Zim yelled. Perhaps something would go his way today.

"Yeah, I can." it answered. Zim waited for a good five minutes before he exploded again.

"_WELL? WHERE IS IT?" _he screeched. The computer grumbled under its breath.

"777 Moose Street, apparently. Stupid name, if you ask me." it drawled. Zim let out an impatient breath, already at the elevator.

"No one asked you!" he yelled as the doors closed around him.

* * *

"I don't like it here, Master. Can we go home? I got muffins in da oven!" Gir begged. Zim waved the robot's complaints away. It was true, in a way; 777 Moose Street turned out to be a horrible, run down shack.

Zim and Gir stood at the threshold, the former reminded all too well of earlier today, when he stood at Dib's door. This time, however, the presence of Mary Sue is what he counted on. He planned to get his information no matter what the cost.

"Gir! Stay out here and stand guard." Zim ordered, turning to go inside. With one final, cautious look over his shoulder, Zim entered the decrepit home, leaving Gir to wave happily at a small, black haired boy.

_This was a bad idea. _That was Zim's first thought as his superior eyes quickly adjusted to the lack of light. The room looked like a tornado had taken up residence, had a party with all its tornado friends, and got in fistfight with its tornado landlord because the music was too loud. On top of that, the whole place reeked of mold and rot and dead things.

Every fiber of Zim's being told him to bolt, but he marched bravely forward into the unknown. After almost falling into a giant hole in the floor, he was able to see the lack of evidence of life in the main rooms. Soon, however, he came across a doorway minus the door. The black it lead into was even more complete than in the main rooms. Zim almost had to physically push his legs down the steep steps.

Zim was lucky; he came across Mary Sue's 'base' almost immediately. It wasn't hard to find, what with the whole place glowing like a radioactive spill. He didn't like to think of what would happen if he'd had to go into the lower levels- the whole place seemed to go down for miles- because that's where the smell was emanating from. With a shiver, he turned back to the set up.

The place was surprisingly high-tech. The monitors, while they were set rather haphazardly around the room, they were of the newest model available. She would've been very well set with all this, but now it was going to help Zim. Since Mary Sue wasn't here for Zim to interrogate her, her personal files would have to do. With a grin he imagined matched her own, he went to work.

Forty five minutes passed before Zim came across anything useful. It was a summary of the information stored in her PAK- it was a type of security measure, you just plugged yourself in and got access to the data. The idea, however, was that you log out afterwards; this seemed sloppy, almost lazy of her. Did she make her first mistake?... or did she do this on purpose, knowing Zim would eventually come across it? That did not sit well with him, the idea that she was one step ahead of him.

He forgot about it, though, as he read the information that flitted across the screen. Zim paused the flow of information, reread a section he'd very nearly missed. He couldn't believe it, there was no way… how could she… no… Zim probably would've stood there, just reading the words over and over, but then her computer started squawking.

"_INTRUDER ALERT, INTRUDER ALERT," _it announced, for anyone in a fifty mile radius who cared to listen.

Zim felt his legs moving before he realized it; his mind was still processing what he'd read. He ignored the protests of Gir as he flew out the front door and grabbed the robot's arm, ignored the bewildered stare of the young boy with the spiky black hair, because only one thing mattered right now. Suddenly, a lot of things made sense to him. Those five words, they had been the key all along.

_Prominent Parental DNA: Tallest Miyuki._

* * *

Do you like my new cover picture? I did all by myself on fancy shmancy MS Paint. Yeah. Oh, I can see your confused stares right now, even before I've uploaded this chapter. Tallest Miyuki was the second Tallest before the ones we know and love, preceding Tallest Spork. This is all canon. Look up 'Invader Zim script The Trial,' this will all make soooo much more sense. Stupid me, putting everything on the fact that you've all read a script for an episdoe that wasn't even even made. Bad me. By the way, I'm reuploading a chapter tomorrow. Found some really irritating mistakes I'm gonna fix, nothing major. See you next upload!


	4. Offers

**A/N: Thanks to Rain Megami, MatchMakerGirl and Tinowenn for Favoriting, Darkinvader897 and MatchMakerGirl for adding to Favorite Author, Tinowenn for adding to Author Alert, InvaderEyeball and Hawkbelly for adding to Story Alert, and InvaderEyeball, MatchMakerGirl, Tinowenn, Ruler of All Sporks, and PrincessPlatypusFriend for reviewing. And thank **_**you,**_** miss Melissa Raven Agony (snort), for reviewing and failing spelling class. I know, this may come across as mean, but seriously, you guys gotta read this chick's comments. No, wait, I'm just going to post them here, because they are seriously **_**that funny. **_**I think I nearly pissed myself for laughing, and I'm not even being sarcastic this time.**

**-**Ur juts a fruking h8r!_ (You're just a fucking hater!)_

-cheez, stup mkin funn uv doze hoo ur totz geluz uv! _(Please, stop making fun of those you're, er, totally jealous of? Maybe?)_

-why r u so meat? _(I'm not even going to translate this one, because it'd just take away from the hilarity.)_

**Ok, maybe that **_**was **_**a bit mean of me, but I'm also pretty sure she's a troll. Silly troll (even though that means my story is important enough to **_**be **_**trolled. Yay!). I know you're not supposed to acknowledge them, but come on, guys, do you think you could let this one slide? I'm not offended or anything, just humored and slightly saddened at her stupidity. Maybe she's just a dumbass **_**My Immortal **_**fan, as her username implies. I can't wait for more of her reviews… I'll get some popcorn next time. Oh, and yes, because I'm bound by law not to upload the script for The Trial, I'll just kind of explain what happened in the story.**

Our Almighty Lord, Jhonen Vasquez, owns Invader Zim. Obey his fist.

* * *

**Chapter Four**

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." –Albert Einstein

The next day in Skool, Zim sat at his desk, trying not to have a panic attack. He kept flashing back to those insane, impossible words. Tallest Miyuki was Mary Sue's mother? That didn't make any sense, not at first, but then, in some horrible way, it began to.

Zim knew exactly who Tallest Miyuki was, since he'd kind of killed her, a little. Back in his days at _Foramen _(officially Vort Research Station 9, but _Foramen Scientia _had just sounded so much catchier to the scientists)_, _where he'd worked as a military scientist, he had been researching a new kind of weapon. A weapon that didn't need to be wielded by anyone in combat, but that functioned on its own. And one day, after tireless research, he'd finally done it!

He'd been so excited to show his new creation to Miyuki. Zim could see himself in his mind's eye, displaying his new creation for all to see. It _had _been amazing, his infinite energy absorbing thingy, but the other foolish scientists had let it get into the infinite energy _producing _thingy. His cute, chubby creation had grown to enormous proportions, bursting right out of the little collar Zim had made for it. Before anyone could do anything, it ate Tallest Miyuki and escaped, leaving only a trail of explosions in its wake.

Zim had seen this as a victory- after all, it had worked- but the others had been a bit more horrified at the death of Tallest Miyuki than jubilant. He had sensed this, and left before he could be arrested. After all, he couldn't better the world from prison. So he'd gone, and applied to be an Invader. Course, the thing had come back to eat Miyuki's successor, Tallest Spork, but that was beside the point.

So Miyuki's daughter was here, huh? Zim wasn't even sure how Mary Sue found out who her mother was; smeets were born from a male and female Irken's DNA. No one knew who their parents were, not even Zim. The whole thing was anonymous, supposedly so you couldn't claim they were related to the Tallest to get special treatment, or so crazy people couldn't go back and kill their parents. In this case, though, Zim was pretty sure it wasn't Miyuki Mary Sue was going to kill (since he'd already done that)… it was _him _she was after. Revenge was never in Zim's favor.

After what seemed like forever, Mary Sue came in and sat down. The entire class brightened at her entrance. Since she'd joined the class, people who'd been feuding forever were best friends, dark and moody loners were bright and outgoing, Ms. Bitters had actually been _kind _to the students, and everyone seemed to be treating Dib with marginally more respect. It was _horrible. _Even if she hadn't been out to kill Zim, he'd still have wanted to get rid of the girl.

"Hello, Mary Sue!" the whole class chorused in unison. Mary Sue didn't acknowledge them; instead, she looked straight ahead at Ms. Bitters.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but may I please go to the bathroom?" she asked sweetly. For the first time Zim had seen, Ms. Bitters smiled, a horrible, grotesque grimace.

"Of course you may, Mary Sue! Take as long as you need. We'll hold the whole lesson until you get back!" she gushed. Mary Sue smiled and left the room. Almost immediately, the atmosphere in the class changed to what Zim had known before the girl's arrival: sad, hopeless, and full of tension. Zim grinned. Here was his chance.

"Ms. Bitters, I MUST visit the restroom RIGHT NOW. My, eh, _humany _organs are about to EXPLODE! Can I go?" he begged. The smile melted off the teacher's face.

"Fine! But you can't go for the rest of the day!" she warned, but Zim was already out the door, just catching Dib's suspicious expression as it swung shut behind him.

Zim began to prowl the halls, searching for Mary Sue. He was pretty sure that she hadn't gone into the bathroom, as she'd claimed, but he still wasn't sure where exactly she was. Where could she be? Somewhere alone and quiet, so she could work on, well, whatever the heck it was she was working on. He rounded a corner, but was grabbed forcefully around the neck before he could go on.

Zim was caught completely by surprise, which effectively removed any chance he had of escaping his assailant. Before he could even cry out, he was dragged out of the hallway and pulled into the janitor's closet he'd just passed. The door clicked shut behind them, and the only thing illuminating the figure's face was one low wattage bulb. And it was exactly who Zim expected it to be.

"Well, well, we meet again." Mary Sue said menacingly. Grass green eyes studied Zim in the darkness.

"I just saw you five minutes ago." he pointed out, and was proud to hear his voice wasn't shaking. He wasn't scared of this sparkly girl, this 'Marilyn Susyn Celestia Onyx Ebony Raven Way.' She was just another minor annoyance, one that he would dispose of quickly. Mary Sue suddenly laughed at him.

"_Minor annoyance, _huh?" she mocked.

"Wai- was I thinking out loud again?" he spluttered. She laughed, a bit louder this time.

"Oh, no, it wasn't that. I can read minds." she explained, almost nonchalantly. Zim stared at her. Beautiful. Now she could read _minds? _What next? "You see, Zim, that was how I knew you were an Irken from the start. Oh, the information Dib gave me about you! Of course, I probably could've just _asked _him; he probably would've givin me everything I needed to know about you. But there was the risk of him catching on…"

"Catching on to what?" Zim demanded, purposely raising his voice. Maybe someone would open the door on Mary Sue blabbing about her plan.

"Fat chance." Mary Sue replied to his thoughts. "No one comes down this hallway, all it leads to is the old bathroom stalls." The two Irkens shuddered in unison. "But hey, why not divulge in some convenient exposition? You won't be able to tell anyone, anyway. Might as well humor you, yeah?

"Hmm, when did this all start?" she mused. "I think it was back when you _killed my_ _mother._"

"Yeah, yeah, so maybe I killed Miyuki. How'd you even find out you two were related?" Zim asked, stalling for time. Maybe he could figure out a way to get out of here.

"Oooh, good question. Well, when I was in Advanced Smeet Training, I decided I'd had enough of not knowing where I'd come from. I… borrowed... some information from the main Control Brains. Turns out they suspected where I'd come from, but they weren't sure, and for whatever reason, they didn't want to find out. But I did. A bit of my DNA, a bit of Tallest Miyuki's- I stole an old robe of hers- and boom, there it was. The Control Brains were right, and I had a mother.

"I did everything in my power to alert Miyuki of my findings. I was sure she would be ecstatic when she found out! I mean, look at me. I'm a prodigy, and who wouldn't be proud to have me as a daughter? And finally, one day, I'd done it. I'd managed to get across to her. She sent me a message that she'd meet me when she came to _Foramen. _She… she was going to review the scientists' work. I was so excited…

"And then that fateful day came. I think you remember what happened." Mary Sue said icily, glaring at Zim. "I was helpless as my mother, who I could've known, who I almost had a future with, was eaten by your blob." She paused for effect, but quickly saw Zim wasn't getting it. "Don't you understand? YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" she screamed, tears beginning to stream down her pallid cheeks. Zim shrugged.

"If I had a nickel for every time I heard that, I'd have ten cents. Not a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, right?" he said.

"ARRGHHH! YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! DON'T YOU GET IT? I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! I'LL MAKE YOU HURT THE WHY I DID!" she screeched. Zim winced.

"You're getting a little heavy on the Caps Lock. Maybe you should AACK!" he cried in pain, as Mary Sue stabbed him in the shoulder. The knife, which she'd pulled out of nowhere, was almost girly looking. Except for the fact it was stuck in Zim's shoulder and was covered in his blood.

"That's just the start." Mary Sue growled. "If you don't comply, then it'll be awhile before I kill you. Now _listen. _

"Almost immediately after you murdered Miyuki, I left Vort. I didn't go back to Irk, though. No. I was hiding out, formulating a plan to destroy you. I was in seclusion for the longest time. Just waiting for an opening. A few months later, I learned you had been sent away in Operation Impending Doom II. No one knew where you were going, but I was determined to find you. It took a bit longer than I expected, but here I am. And here _you _are." she said, pulling the knife from Zim's shoulder.

"You sealed your fate at _Foramen, _but I'm a nice girl. I'm going to give you _one more chance _to redeem yourself. I have a plan. A master plan, which will leave this world completely in my power. And you, Zim, might just be the factor I need to make that plan a reality. With my, er, _talents, _and your engineering skills, we could do it!

"Join me, Zim. I'm willing to forgive you for everything, if you'll just help me. We could rule over this 'useless rock' together, side by side. We'd have the likes of Dib groveling at our feet. So, what do you think?" she finished with a flourish.

Zim was about to tell her that she was out of her mind, that he'd never help her with anything, but he found himself instead staring into her mesmerizing eyes. They really _were _pretty. Zim almost wished he could fall into them.

"Together, huh?" he said, dreamily, almost imperceptibly leaning forward. Mary Sue did the same.

"Zim, you know we could do it. You're _smart _enough to know that. Honor my mother's memory, Zim. We'll take this planet, and the Tallest will welcome us back to _glory." _she whispered, still getting closer.

"I _am _smart… and I _do _like glory…" he murmured. The two Irkens were almost touching now.

"So? What do you say" Mary Sue asked, quietly, triumph already beginning to shine in her voice. Zim closed his eyes as their foreheads connected.

"I say… that I would never, ever, share the Earth with anyone, _especially _not you. And I already promised the moon to Gir." he hissed in her ear, and violently shoved the girl back into a bucket of water. He opened his eyes to a furious, sopping wet Mary Sue, and he could tell by the fire in her eyes that this act was unforgivable. Whatever. Did she really think she could persuade the mighty Zim to do anything?

"You. Will. _Pay. _For this." she said through clenched teeth, trying to dislodge herself from the bucket.

"That's what I'm counting on." Zim told her, and burst out of the janitor's closet. As Mary Sue's screams of fury echoed down the hall, all Zim could do was laugh under his breath.

Maybe he could get back to his base before she could collect herself enough to launch her 'master plan.' Either way, though, it wouldn't matter. Mary Sue was never a contender in this game, and soon, she was going to learn that.

* * *

This was, hands down, my favorite chapter to write. Dumb Mary Sue, Zim's way too headstrong to share the Earth. You might be wondering why Mary Sue would even consider Zim as a factor to help in her plan. Well, you should know that Mary Sue's kinda... clinically insane. An easy ten or so months in solitude? Yeah. Hmm, what could Mary Sue's plan be? I better work on that. Maybe something with zombies. I like zombies. Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did!


	5. The Plan Revealed

**A/N: Thanks to Tinowenn, Anonymous, Zora Princess, Keri Kimura, PrincessPlatypusFiend, RandomTwilitDude, Mimi-loves-llamas, PurplePunkKitty, HyperSpooches58, and Darkinvader897 for reviewing, Sprankle, PrincessPlatypusFiend, PurplePunkKitty, Keri Kimura, RandomTwilitDude, and **_**Melissa Raven Agony **_**for adding to Author Alert, PrincessPlatypusFiend, Keri Kimura and **_**MELISSA RAVEN AGONY **_**for adding to Story Alert, and Voice of Hunger and HyperSpooches58 for Favoriting. **

**Well, there's nothing really to say… oh wait, I almost forgot, I need to update Melissa Alert! She reviewed again, cause she respects us enough to give us her hilarious reviews to read. Apparently she loves giving them, too, since she added this to Story Alert **_**and **_**Author Alert. So she can troll me on future stories? God, I hope so.**

**-**Mry- su's not a dumb! ur just a meat h8r! she's so aweosome! like Enoby! I wizh i culd be mary-su, den Dib would wanna be round me! liek just just stop drinking da h8rade! _(Mary Sue's not dumb! Your just a mean hater! She's so awesome! Like Ebony! I wish I could be Mary Sue, then Dub would want to be around be! Like just stop drinking the [REDACTED])_

**I've come to the conclusion that she's definitely a troll, and **_**also **_**a **_**My Immortal **_**fan. A vegetarian troll, apparently, because she loves to accuse me of being made of meat. I can't help it, guys, really. I've had it checked out, but my meaty goodness just won't go away. It's a curse. Oh, hey, Mel deary, what **_**is **_**that last word there? I could not for the life of me figure it out. Is it something like a mix of **_**hate**_** and **_**Gatorade?**_** Peanut gallery, go ahead and give me your best guesses.**

Jhonen Vasquez does not own this story (even though I'd sell it to him in an instant if he asked), and I do not own Invader Zim. See how that works? Eh, eh? Does this count as a disclaimer? Yeah, sure it does.

* * *

**Chapter Five**

"_It's the end of the world as we know it,  
__It's the end of the world as we know it,  
__It's the end of the world as we know it,  
__And I feel fiiinnneee…."_

_-_R.E.M, 'The End of the World'

Zim was actually feeling kinda good as he sprinted down the hallway. Sure, Mary Sue was after his blood, and yeah, she had a plan to control the world, but all things considered, he was doing pretty well. No more questions were eating at him, and now that he knew what he was up against, pretty much, it didn't seem like too much of an issue. Only the threat of Mary Sue's plan remained, and Zim was pretty sure he was gonna find out what that was all about shortly. It was probably nothing major, but better safe than sorry…

"Gir!" Zim yelled into his PAK communicator. The robot was eating his muffins on the couch with Minimoose. They both seemed pretty happy, but Zim had something more important for them to do.

"Hey mastah! Why you runnin'? Wanna muffin?" Gir yelled at the screen that Zim was being displayed on in his base.

"Alright, Gir, listen very carefully. I need you and Minimoose to bring the Kamo-Helmet down to the Skool _right now. _Got that?" he asked slowly.

"OK! Right aftah da Scary Munkey Show!" Gir said happily.

"No Gir, right-" Zim started to say, but Gir cut the connection before he could finish. Well, at least he got the message across. Now, all he needed was a plan…

"HEY!" a voice yelled at Zim from down the hall. Zim froze, skidded a little, and spun to face the speaker. The panic quickly faded away when he saw who it was, but irritation was quick to take its place. No, it wasn't Mary Sue, but considering who it _was, _that wasn't much of a consolation.

"Hey!" Dib yelled again, stomping up to Zim. He could see that the big-headed boy was livid, but he couldn't think of why. He had a feeling he was about to find out, though.

"Where is she?" Dib spat at him through clenched teeth. It took Zim a moment to think of who he was talking about.

"Oh, the Mary Sue person?" Zim asked, attempting to sound nonchalant. "Yes, I think she's still in the janitor's closet. With the knife, unfortunately, but I couldn't grab it. She'll still be kind of soaked, though, and I know I ripped up her stupid dress, so don't go and hug her or anythinAHHH!" Zim started to explain, but Dib jumped him before he could finish, since apparently no one wanted to let him finish his sentences. After a brief struggle, Dib successfully managed to pin Zim to the ground.

"What is _with _you people and jumping on me today! I am Zim, not a plaything!" he said indigently. Dib glared at him.

"What did you do to Mary Sue? Did you- you-" Dib started, but he choked on the words. Zim ran his reply over in his head when he got it.

"No, no, I didn't _kill_ her. I didn't get the chance. If it helps, I would've if I could've." he assured Dib, but that just seemed to make him madder.

"What is _wrong _with you? Why do you hate Mary Sue so much? She's the most perfect, beautiful, nice girl I've ever met! Did you know she's interested in my paranormal studies? She knows even more than I do! How great is that?" he said, getting a weird look in his eyes. "So just leave us alone! We're perfect for each other, why can't you see that?" he shrieked.

Zim was confused. Dib was acting remarkably out of character. He'd never really shown this kind of attraction to anyone, not even Tak. And any feelings for _her_ had been severed when he found out she was an Irken… wait!

"Hey," Zim said, cutting off Dib's little rant, "did I mention Mary Sue was an Irken? Cause she's an Irken." Zim was hoping for a knee jerk reaction from him, but the spiky haired boy just scoffed.

"Yeah, right, Zim. Mary Sue's as human as me." Dib sneered.

"That's what you said about Tak."

"Ok, maybe I was wrong about Tak. But Mary Sue is different. She can't be an Irken, or any other stupid alien, she's too…" he trailed off, seemingly unable to find the words to precisely depict how human she was. "But even if she was an alien, I'd still love her. She's my soul mate. We'll be together forever, catching Bigfoot and demons and we'll be happy!" he screamed, jumping off of Zim. "So just go. I don't care about uncovering you anymore." he said. "I'm gonna go find Mary Sue."

"Wait a minute." Zim said suddenly. "You'd love her even if she was an alien?"

"Isn't that what I just said?"

"But that doesn't make any sense! You hate aliens. You hate me, and Tak, and those two Plookesians who took Dwicky, and the Tallest… you say you'd still love her, still, but that's not the _paranormal investigator_ you talking. She _did _something to you, didn't she?" Zim demanded.

"Of course not! All she did was steal my heart." Dib sighed sappily. Ick. This was getting to be way to trying on Zim's nerves, this gooey portrayal of Dib's affection. Enough was enough.

Something was defiantly wrong with Dib. Whatever Mary Sue had done to the human, Zim had to reverse it. A crazy Dib obsessed with revealing Zim's identity to the world was still better than a love struck Dib who didn't know up from down. Of course, Zim wasn't _totally_ sure how to fix Dib, but… maybe he did have _one_ idea...

When Zim had used his time machine, and sent back all those rubber piggies to ruin Dib's life, he'd sent a note back to himself after it was apparent that the plan was flawed. The note had, simply, warned him _not_ to use the time machine. Thanks to a freak paradox, the whole thing had smoothed itself over, but Zim could still, miraculously, remember what happened. As far as he could tell, Dib didn't remember any of it, but the events might still exist in Dib's subconscious. If Zim could shock Dib enough, he might turn back to normal. Either that, or it'd be really funny to watch.

Mentally shrugging, Zim grabbed Dib by the shoulders and spun him around. If this didn't work, then he'd have to deal with Dib by… _other _means. And he really didn't feel like cleaning up the mess.

"Dib." Zim said sternly, forcing the human to look him in the eyes. "Piggies. Big, pink, rubber piggies. All around you. They're _everywhere. _And they're going to get you, Dib." That was all it took. Dib, thanks to his own subconscious, was reduced to a sniveling wreck.

It shouldn't have been that easy, though. Dib was usually more resistant than this. What had Mary Sue done to the boy, to make him like this? She had mentioned earlier that she had _talents… _maybe that had something to do with it? Well, at least Dib was no longer a threat. And maybe, when Zim finally convinced him of Mary Sue's origin, he'd divulge something useful.

"Dib. Diiiiiib. Get up." Zim coaxed the whimpering boy, nudging him with the toe of his boot.

"No… there are… _pigs _out there…" Dib whispered back.

"That wasn't a yes or no question, Dib. GET UP!" Zim yelled. Before Dib could respond, Zim grabbed the boy under his arms and hoisted him to his feet. "Still scared?" he asked.

"No… I'm better now, I guess. Be better still if you, ya know, let go of me." Dib answered, but Zim didn't pay attention to him.

"Pull yourself together! There's no time to waste!" he cried, and smacked Dib across the face. "Get! A! Hold! Of! Yourself!" Zim yelled, punctuating each word with another slap.

"ZIM! I'm fine, just let go of me! And quit _hitting_ me!" Dib retorted, shoving away from the Irken, his face red from all the slaps.

"You sure? I'm up for hitting you some more." Zim told him earnestly. Dib just rolled his eyes.

"What_ is_ it you want, Zim? Because if all you're gonna do is hit me in the face, I'll just be going now." he said, already walking back down the hallway to the classroom.

"Wait! Don't you remember?" Zim asked, confused.

"Remember what?"

"Mary Sue, you stupid human!"

"Ooohhh…" Dib said slowly, uncertainty lacing his voice. "I remember… Mary Sue came into our class… and I sat with her at lunch…"

"You mean you don't remember _anything _after that?" Zim demanded incredulously. Dib shook his head, clearly distraught.

"I… was right next to her at lunch. She kept looking at me with her eyes- well, yeah, of course her eyes- but they were so beautiful… just big, colorful diamond eyes…" Dib trailed off again, getting that same sappy look he had earlier.

"Dib? Dib, I'm losing you." Zim said. He waved a gloved hand in front of the Earth boy's face, which seemed to bring him back. "Her eyes, huh?" Abruptly Zim recalled how he, too, had been sucked into those multi-colored whirlpools of light. They just seemed so inviting…

"That's it!" Zim shrieked, startling Dib. "It's her eyes! They must be some kind of- of mind control device! And… she must've looked at everyone in our class! Maybe even the whole town! That's her plan for world domination: she's going to brainwash its inhabitants and make _them_ take it over!" Zim was starting to panic a little. Mary Sue, he could handle. Mary Sue and Dib, he could handle. Mary Sue, the entire class and who knows _how _many others? Well, sure, he could just destroy them, but that'd be such an inconvenience… this was going to be harder than he realized.

"What? What are you talking about?" Dib yelled. Of course, leave it to the human to be late on the uptake. Impatiently, Zim explained what had happened over the course of the last two days. When he finished explaining, he was met with a look of horror on Dib's face.

"I… let an Irken… _into my house? _And she _read my mind? _And I _FELL IN LOVE WITH HER?" _Dib screeched. Zim was amused by his enemy's apparent distress.

"Yeah… so, you still madly in love with her? Do you still want to, what was it, 'catch Bigfoot and demons and be happy?'" Zim teased. Of all the things to happen today, this was defiantly the funniest. He was going to keep Dib's terrified face in his memories for a looong time.

"Oh God no!" Dib yelled. The pair seemed to be yelling a lot lately. "We've got to get to the class before Mary Sue does!" Dib was already running when he said that.

Zim quickly weighed his options. There weren't many. Really, it was either help Dib or just sit here to wait for Gir and Minimoose, removed from any action, and Zim wasn't stupid. He took off after the boy.

* * *

Zim and Dib reached the classroom in record time. The latter was gasping for breath, another fact that Zim found pretty funny. He waited dramatically for Dib to regain his stamina before speaking.

"I say we just barge in there. If Mary Sue's not there, who cares, and if she is, I can take her." Zim said confidently. "Oh, and then there's you of course. You can… I dunno, get the meat children to safety. Any complaints?"

"No." Dib said, surprising the Irken. If there was one thing the enemies agreed upon, it was to never agree on anything. "I have this great mental image of myself hitting Mary Sue over the head with a ruler. Then, maybe I'll toss her out the window. You can do whatever then, but she's gonna pay for making a fool of me." he said. Zim whistled.

"You have evil thoughts for a human."

"Thank you."

With those inspiring last words, the pair burst into classroom 13.

"Hello, boys. Glad you could make it!" Mary Sue cooed as soon as Zim and Dib fully entered. She sat perched on Ms. Bitters' desk, absently cleaning her nails with her silver knife. Zim's shoulder, though almost fully healed now, throbbed.

"Hello yourself, you freaky alien genotype." Dib bit out. Mary Sue put on a mock pouty face, like Dib had really offended her.

"Aww, Dibby, those aren't very nice words, you know. I'll forgive you, if you just come back here and join your little friends."

"No way, you-" Dib started to retort, but Zim cut him off.

"What do you mean, 'little friends?' he asked warily. Mary Sue laughed, and gestured to the rows of desks in front of her. All of them were filled, except for theirs, of course, but that wasn't what worried Zim. All the students, every single one, had a glazed, dead look on their face. A couple of them were even drooling. They were too late. Mary Sue had already brainwashed the students.

"I take it you finally figured out my little plan?" she asked. "It's about time. I was beginning to think you'd _never _catch on." She laughed again, a silvery little laugh that drilled into Zim's skull. "It's too bad, really, that you won't be around to watch me take over the planet. My 'admirers,' they're all too willing to do whatever I say, and there're always new ones to control." she said, casting her gaze over the motionless children.

"You'll never get away with it!" Dib yelled, but Zim sensed fear behind his bravado. Mary Sue sighed sadly.

"It's a shame you won't join me, Dib, because you see, I already have. Minions!" she yelled at the children. As one, they rose from their seats.

"Yes Mary Sue." they all said, eerily in sync.

"Destroy them."

* * *

Damn it, Mary Sue, quit being so freaking evil! Sigh. Well, here's another chapter for you all, and I hope you have a pleasant… err… 12:05 in the morning?


	6. End

**A/N: Thanks to Voice of Hunger, Mystic Supernovae the Dib fan, RandomTwilitDude, Zora Princess, Kazehana23, HyperSpooches58, Mimi-loves-llamas, and PurplePunkKitty for reviewing, HyperSpooches58, Mystic Supernovae the Dib fan and Voice of Hunger for adding to Author Alert, and PurplePunkKitty for adding to Favorite Author and Story. Welcome to the final delicious chapter of Attack of the Mary Sue! Are you all excited? I know a lot of you have been waiting eagerly for the moment in which Mary Sue is electrocuted, eaten by sharks, thrown into a volcano… and I have too. It's not gonna be any of those, but don't worry, I've got something even better. Mary Sue is finally going to get her comeuppance. I do not know what a Shleegig is.**

Really, do I have to put up these disclaimers for every freaking chapter? I mean, really, Jhonen Vasquez freaking owns Invader Zim. You all know that, right? Is it like, if I suddenly don't post a disclaimer, the CIA and the FBI will be on my doorstep? '_Quail, you are under arrest. By not posting a disclaimer banner, you have insinuated that you had copyright ownership_ _for the duration of chapter 'END.' On that note, you are also under arrest for being unable to come up with original chapter and/or story title names. Put your hands up.'_

* * *

**Chapter Six**

"I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process."_**- **_Vincent Van Gogh

Mary Sue grinned as the classroom of zombies advanced. They weren't slow moving like the zombies Zim had seen in the movies Gir would watch; these ones were leaping at them like mad Shleegigs. Zim knew they only had moments before he and Dib were ripped to shreds.

"Come on!" he yelled, grabbing a stunned Dib by the forearm. The boy seemed totally paralyzed by the coming onslaught of zombie-children. However, Zim managed to pull him out of the classroom before Zombie!Zita could pounce on his landing-pad size head. With a final shove, the two sprawled out into the hallway.

"Zombies…" Dib murmured. "Real, brainwashed zombies… do you know what this means?"

"Does it mean that we should get out of here before they force open the door?" Zim asked through gritted teeth. He jumped to his feet and braced his back against the door, somehow managing to keep the swarm inside.

"No! It means that I finally have _proof! _No one is going to be able to call me crazy now! Paranormal stuff _does _exist! And hey, maybe when this is all over, I can turn in Mary Sue to the authorities! It'll be great!" Dib squeed with delight. And while Zim was all for Mary Sue being dissected on a table somewhere, they had more important things to worry about, like the fact that Zim had grossly underestimated the force of a classroom of children who were all pushing up against a door held up by one small Irken.

"That's… great Dib. Really. Now… can we… _GET OUT OF HERE?" _Zim yelled, gasping as the door almost gave way. Dib, who had obviously been fantasizing, came back to his senses.

"Oh yeah, that's probably a good idea." he agreed. Zim would have said something nasty in retort, but he could barely breathe with the strain of holding the door back.

"Make a run for it… one… two…" Zim got out, catching Dib's eye. They widened once he figured out Zim was going to do. He nodded.

"THREE!" With a groan, Zim jumped away from the door. It exploded open behind him, children spewing out into the now empty hallway. Zim was already making a break for the front doors, and Dib was close on his heels. Unfortunately, so were the children. They really could run fast when they wanted. Or when a girl with sparkly eyes was commanding them to do so.

With a quick glance over his shoulder, Zim caught a glimpse of Zombie!Gretchen reaching for the collar of Dib's trenchcoat. Dib didn't see; he was too focused on the door that seemed so far away. If Zim didn't say anything, Gretchen was going to grab him. And if she did that, it'd provide a distraction for Zim to escape. He'd be off scot free, at the expense of Dib's life.

On a normal day, Zim wouldn't have givin that a second thought. He'd let them destroy Dib's smelly head, and he would've helped. This was not a normal day. This was a day in which an insane Irken girl was hoping for his destruction, a classroom of zombified children were chasing him down a hallway, and the only other being present with unbrainwashed thoughts and the capacity to help him was his worst enemy. Zim groaned inwardly. No, this was defiantly not a normal day.

While he was thinking this, Gretchen had the coat almost in her grasp. Another leap on her part or a falter on Dib's would do it. The boy, still, remained completely oblivious. With the door still too far away, there was really only one thing to do.

"Dib! Behind you!" Zim called over his shoulder. He didn't see exactly what happened, but he heard Dib shriek, followed by a loud _THUNK. _A moment later, a panting Dib fell into step (run?) beside Zim. His face clearly said _don't ask. _Zim didn't, and tried to ignore the smallish dark stain on Dib's normally blue shirt as they burst out of the double doors that lead to freedom.

The clouds were puffy and white, the sky was that rare shade of blue, and the sunlight that lit the faces of the two figures running for their lives was dazzling and golden. They had no time to appreciate it, though, because soon the sun illuminated what they were running_ from_. The children were stumbling over each other in their pursuit of Zim and Dib. They weren't going to stop until the duo was caught, of that much Zim was sure. There was no way they could outrun them, and when you couldn't run… you hid.

Not bothering to alert Dib to what he was going to do, Zim tackled the boy into a clump of bushes, (hopefully) out of the line of sight of their pursuers. Praying with all his might that Dib would understand what he was doing, Zim held one finger up to his lips. And, thank the Tallest, Dib got it. The two made no noise- Zim suspected Dib had stopped breathing- and the horde passed them by with confused expressions on their faces.

They didn't dare move until the last of them turned onto the adjoining street. Zim rose first, trying to balance on wobbly legs and look over the terrain at the same time. There was no one on the street or on the skool steps, so Zim motioned for Dib to get up. The two stood side by side, the terror of the moment still heavy in the air.

"So. What now?" Dib asked. A reasonable question, but not one Zim had the answer to yet. Unformulated plans involving a screaming Mary Sue boiling in acid and being eaten by wolves floated around in his head, but nothing that would help their current situation. Dib seemed to sense this, so he took over the plan making.

"The way I see it, we have two big problems. Mary Sue and the zombies. If we go deal with the zombies, Mary Sue is free to do whatever, and we can't get at Mary Sue because she'll just call her horde." he rattled off. Zim groaned.

"I hate word problems. Is the answer zero?"

"Funny, Zim. Really. But the only way to do this is to divide and concur. One of us can distract the zombies, and the other can deal with Mary Sue. Do you have a weapon or something?" he asked Zim. He laughed.

"I have my PAK, but I don't think I'll need it. Mary Sue's not much of a threat. What about you?" he replied airily. Dib rolled his eyes, but revealed a pair of familiar looking handcuffs.

"Your 'alien sleep cuffs,' right? I don't see what those are going to do against an army of zombies. And didn't my gnomes destroy those?" Zim asked, warily eyeing the cuffs.

"I had insurance. Anyway, I can use them like nunchuks." he said offhand. Zim started to nod, but then he wondered how Dib could know they were effective as nunchuks. Then he remembered Gretchen.

"I guess the next question is who's attacking who." Zim said slowly. He and Dib locked eyes for a second.

"I've got Mary Sue." they said at the same time. Dib narrowed his eyes at the Irken. Zim matched his glare unwaveringly.

"No way. She made a fool out of me! She hypnotized me and did who knows what to me while I was under! I get to kill her." Dib said firmly. Zim just scoffed.

"Oh yeah?" he challenged. "She chased me down for, well, I don't how long, she taunted me and made me feel stupid, which no one has ever, _ever _done before. She locked me in a janitor's closet, stabbed me in the shoulder, tried to kiss me, I think, and she sent zombies after me. Me, not you, Dib, she was all too happy to let you join her little fan club. I'm going to kill her." Zim said. Dib stared at him, but nodded reluctantly.

"Fine. I'll go take care of the zombies." he said. He was about to run out of the bushes, but something stopped him. "Zim. Promise me that this isn't some sort of trick. Promise that you're on our side this time."

"I seem to remember you saying this to me before, human, and like I said then, I know not of sides. Whatever will benefit me, the mighty ZIM! the most is what I will work for. I will stop this Mary Sue, but when I do, I'm going to go right back to destroying you." Zim said. Dib grinned.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Then he really did jump out of the bushes. With one final nod in Zim's direction, the big headed boy disappeared down the street after the zombies. And with the Dib gone, there was only one other thing to do.

"Time to go destroy Mary Sue!" Zim said cheerily. The prospect excited him. She was going to pay for what she'd done to Zi-

"Destroy me? Jeez, Zim, what'd I do to deserve that?" a pouty voice behind him said. Zim spun around so fast he fell over, much to the amusement of his watcher.

Mary Sue unsheathed her knife. It glinted in the afternoon light, spraying rainbows all over the ground.

"The blade is a prism." she explained needlessly. "Pretty, isn't it? I hope it'll still work when I'm done cleaning your blood off of it."

"Only one of us is going to live to see tomorrow, and Gir is expecting me back." Zim growled. Mary Sue laughed again.

"Gir? Oh, you mean this adorable little robot?" she asked, motioning to the bush beside her. Sure enough, Gir marched out from behind it, followed by Minimoose. The robot's eyes were in red duty mode, which was rare for him. Rather than think about this, though, Zim glared at Mary Sue.

"Why did you bring my robots here? And why didn't they destroy you?" he demanded. She just cocked her head and stared at him expectantly. He looked at her, then back at the robots. Back and forth, back and forth, like a high stakes ping-pong ball match. Then, suddenly, he got it.

"Oh, you did _not." _Zim spat at her. Mary Sue just grinned like she'd just eaten something particularly delicious.

"I found them outside the janitor's closet. Poor things were just _waiting_ for someone with a greaterwill to control them. By the way, what is this?" she asked, holding up the Kamo-Helmet. Zim stared at it. When he was working on it yesterday (was it only yesterday? It seemed like so long ago), he'd been repairing the function that enabled the user to blend in with their surroundings. He'd fixed most of it, but he wasn't sure if it would work… well, it was time to find out.

"Here, let me show you!" he cried, leaping to his feet and knocking the helmet out of the girl's hands. Before she could react, he put in on and activated it. _Please work, please work… _he thought desperately. The flabbergasted expression on Mary Sue's face told him it had.

"Zim, I'm going to count to three, and when I do, you'd better come out!" she demanded, like a stern mother. Yeah, sure, he'd get right on that. As quietly as possible, he crept into the street. He'd just get to his base, load up on some weapons, and then-

"There!" Gir's duty-mode voice floated over to him. Before Zim could run, the robot crashed into him. Zim unbalanced, the helmet flying off and crashing into the pavement, shattering like glass.

"Oh. That… happened." Zim said, staring at the remains of his helmet. Mary Sue skipped up to where he was standing, somehow looming over him like some strange bird of prey. She flipped her dark, wavy hair over her shoulder with a sigh.

"Don't be sad, Zim, you won't be alive long enough to regret it." she said, raising her rainbow knife. Zim stared at it, getting increasingly angrier. Who did this girl think she was? She was nothing, _nothing, _compared to Zim. And he was going to prove it. Abruptly, he fixated his gaze over her shoulder, into the distance.

"That's a weird place to put a piano." he said, and, like the fool she was, Mary Sue turned around. Using this to his advantage, Zim sidestepped Gir, ducked under the newly arrived Minimoose, and sprinted down the street, Mary Sue now running after him.

Zim led Mary Sue and her new robotic followers through downtown. He jumped around people, over cars, sometimes even bouncing off heads. Mary Sue followed his every step, though marginally more gracefully. She flew through the air like an oversized bird, the swarm of people walking in the street no more a hindrance than the air.

While they were sprinting through the streets, Zim caught sight of Dib fighting off the zombies. He was perched on top of an ice cream truck, almost expertly hitting his assailants over the head with cuffs when they climbed up after him. Zim managed to catch his eye, and the boy grinned and waved, not missing a beat in his assault on the zombies. His eyes widened, though, and he pointed to the space behind Zim. He turned and jumped out of the way just in time to evade Mary Sue, who'd come out of nowhere. She hit the pavement and Zim took off running again, waving at Dib before he did. It turned out saving Dib wasn't such a bad idea.

The chase went on for about fifteen minutes before Zim saw his salvation. The City Cesspool. He'd had some fun experiences there ('fun' being the objective word), and now it was going to aid him again. Zim changed direction at the speed of light and made a beeline for the maintenance access ladder, with Mary Sue, of course, following him.

As dark clouds filled the sky, Zim scaled the side of the cesspool's wall. The weather had taken a turn for the worse. Icy wind began to trace its fingers down Zim's neck, and thunder rumbled softly, somewhere in the distance. The blue sky was completely gone now, and the darkness rendered the two Irkens climbing up the cesspool mere silhouettes. Zim wasn't concerned about that, though; he had reached the cesspool's lip.

Zim scrambled over the side, praying that he still had a lead on the girl. He had a plan, but to do it, he'd need a head start. The cesspool's crane loomed on the other side of the pool, but he thought he could reach it. It'd be symbolic, almost; the crane was where he'd almost killed Dib, so it'd be fitting if he managed to get rid of _one_ of his enemies there. The thought excited Zim enough to stall him on the edge, but he didn't notice that until he became aware of the stabbing pain in his right leg.

When he looked down, Zim wasn't too surprised to find a knife shoved into his ankle. Neither was he surprised to find a grinning Mary Sue at the end of that knife. That revelation, however, did nothing to numb the pain that was shooting up his leg.

Trying not to cry out, he kicked the girl away with his good leg. Her lack of a scream told him that she was still on the ladder. Good. Frantically, before she could stab him again, he jumped to his feet and ran across the cesspool's lip. It wasn't easy- every step sent a new wave of pain up his leg- but eventually he made it to the base of the crane. Climbing up was going to be harder this time. At least before he'd had Tak's ship, but now he had to climb it with his leg still throbbing… the sight of Mary Sue running towards him was a good motivator, though.

The odds were not in Zim's favor today. The wound on his leg had reopened from all the physical activity, Mary Sue was gaining on him, and on top of that, it was _raining. _He hadn't bathed in paste recently because the weather had been so dry, and now he was paying for it. Every drop was pure acid. Black spots danced in front of Zim's eyes, and the threat of him passing out was very real. He wanted to, just to escape this, but he couldn't. Not with Mary Sue laughing below him.

He climbed for what seemed like forever, but Zim finally reached the spot where he'd nearly managed to kill Dib with Tak's ship. The pool below him seemed a thousand miles away, and the vertigo was almost the tipping point for him. He didn't have time to be nauseous, though, since Mary Sue had finally caught up to him. She didn't seem at all troubled by the downpour, which figured. Zim was struggling to remain upright, and she was nearly hopping in anticipation.

"Poor Zim. You're at the end of your rope. You knew that bringing me up here was a last ditch effort. Did you actually think you would _win? _Look at you. You're bleeding, smoking from the rain, and nearly unconscious. It really is sad. If it's any consolation to you, you won't be feeling any pain for much longer." she said softly. "This is for Miyuki." She looked at him, almost wistfully, as she raised the knife above her head.

Pain from the water drove Zim to his knees. It was eating him inside and out. The black spots were getting larger, but now Zim didn't bother fighting them. It was over. He'd lost. This was it. Mary Sue was going to kill him, which would at least deliver him from the pain. It would be up to the Dib human, now, assuming the zombies hadn't gotten him. Whatever, it wasn't Zim's problem anymore. He closed his eyes as the knife reached its apex…

"_SQUEAK!" _said something from behind Mary Sue. Zim opened one eye in time to see that something ram into Mary Sue from behind. The force catapulted her forward with a gasp. Zim could only watch as she staggered forward, forward… until there wasn't any more room for forward. The girl was briefly rendered in stasis by a flash of lightning, but the illusion faded as she plummeted into the murky green sludge below. With a final, choked scream, Marilyn Susyn Celestia Onyx Ebony Raven Way was gone.

Zim rose shakily to his feet. The rain was beginning to diminish, and so was the pain. He was completely alone. Completely alone, that was, except for the small moose that floated contentedly beside him. If a moose could look smug, that was defiantly Minimoose's expression. After a moment, the duo was joined by a very happy cyan eyed robot.

"Hi!" said Gir. "Did you have fun playin' da game? We was playin' wit da purpley girl, but den she was mean. She was soooo bossy! Sorry for jumpin' on you." the robot squealed. Zim chuckled weakly under his breath.

"_Playing?_ So you were too stupid for even Mary Sue to control. Heh… WAIT! The children!" Zim cried. As fast as his wounds would allow, he climbed back down the crane and into the street. The burn marks from the rain were already starting to heal, and his leg was almost as good as new, so he when he reached the ground he took off running down the sidewalk. Dreading what he might find, Zim rounded the corner onto the street where Dib had been fighting the zombie children.

Zim had expected an overturned ice cream truck and a missing Dib. What he _found _was Dib helping groaning children to their feet. They weren't attacking Dib anymore, so Zim guessed that the brainwashing had died with Mary Sue. No longer afraid of the pitiful children, the Irken jogged up to the large headed boy.

"Soooo…." Zim said, glancing around at the fallen children. They were all covered in bruises and blood, but as far as he could tell, alive. He directed his attention back to Dib, who was supporting a half unconscious Melvin. The blonde was sporting two black eyes and a bloody nose. Zim whistled softly.

"Really went all out on them, huh?" Zim asked idly. Dib groaned.

"As much as I hate some of them, I didn't want to, you know, actually _kill _anyone. I just tried to keep them away from me. I felt really bad when I hit Gretchen in the head, but she's fine. I think. They'll all be fine… probably." he said. Zim rolled his eyes at the boy's cowardice. Surely a few dead children was no issue.

"What about Mary Sue?" Dib asked suddenly. Zim thought back to the girl's terrified face as she plunged to her disgusting fate.

"Taken care of." Zim explained bluntly. Dib could beg on his knees, but Zim was never going to tell anyone about what had happened. There were some things you never told anyone, and this was one of them. Dib seemed to sense that asking was a bad choice on his part, so he didn't say anything.

The pair stared at the children, who were slowly staggering to their feet. Dib was right; every one of them had survived. Zim allowed himself to be slightly impressed at Dib's skill, even though it paled in comparison to his own.

And maybe it was just a coincidence, but the death of Mary Sue preceded a dramatic shift in the weather. The clouds had lifted, the rain had stopped, and the sky was bright and blue again. Zim felt the sun warm his face, and knew that, for the time being, everything was as it should be.

* * *

_Dedications: Thanks to my mom for telling me to 'get off my lazy butt and write something,' the gas station attendant from down the street for never getting annoyed by my constant begging for Slushees and Cheez-Its, and my reviewers, for not being complete morons._

And so ends Attack of the Mary Sue. Just so you all know, I suck at writing endings, and it was originally _sappier _than that. Meh. Ok, a couple of things I'd like to say: first off, now that this FABULOUS STORY is over, there is actually a way that you can find _better _ones. Go to T.V. tropes dot org (why doesn't it let me post links? WHY?), search 'Invader Zim,' click it, and go onto the subpage 'fanficrecs.' There are a bunch of really good fic links there that've been suggested by people who've read them. People are always adding new ones, so check back often.

Second: This had been my favorite story to write so far, and part of that is because you all supported me through this god-forsaken process. Because I am so grateful, I'm going to do something very, very stupid. If you have a coherent plot that you've always wanted to see written, but no one ever did, say so. I'm taking requests for storylines,_not _because I'm too lazy to think of one myself (no, seriously, I have a few in reserve for the future) but because I truly appreciate the good reviews, and am willing to share this warm and fuzzy feeling. If it has any sort of romance, it'd better be a damn good storyline. Well, I suppose this is the final goodnight, my fair humans.


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